Dear Ottomans,
Many thanks for your letter which arrived a fortnight ago. Your news of the street hole hazards of Istanbul, together with the life-gambling leaps between ship and shore when crossing the Bosphorus, really set me up for the day. I have delayed replying until I had some news of significance. This is it!
No doubt you have made and will be making great efforts to overcome the cultural differences between England and your new adopted home. But the strange thing is that probably there was no need for you to visit Istanbul at all! Take what follows for evidence if you like.
I was in a pub called The Turkomans Arms in Acton, when I overheard a heated argument. I asked the barman what it was about.
"Oh, they're always on," he said. "Mainly the history of the Levant. This time, it's the construction and maintenance of the walls of medieval Constantinople in the early 1360s."
"Why would they argue about that?" I queried.
"Because if the fortifications had been penetrable by hostile cavalry, Orhan and his successors would have focused their early attention there, instead of moving directly to central Anatolia and on to Europe. It's 'What if?' history, really."
"Would it have made any difference if they had overcome Constantinople first? They could have conquered the rest of their empire later," I said.
The barman consulted a young female Australian bar assistant. Finally, he came back and said "I've had a word with Shirley because all this is her special subject. She looked it up on her way over from Oz. Learnt medieval Turkish, the lot."
Shirley came over. "G'day," she said. "You the bloke lookin' for the lowdown on the Ottomans?"
I acknowledged that I was. "Funny thing about the Ottomans," she said. "I found it best to learn by reverse chaining. Look at events and go for causes. I started with the Edirne Event in July 1703."
"What was that?" I asked. The barman interrupted. "I thought everyone knew about that. It all started with the Peace of Karlowitz which was forced on Turkey by reason of the power of the Austrians on the Danube, the enforceable claims of the Russians on the Black Sea, while famine, disease, inflation and disorder abounded in the loyal territories."
"What did the sultan do? Couldn't he get the people to rally to the cause? I asked. Shirley laughed, saying "You must be joking! The sultan – Mustapha II – was dominated by his ex-tutor Feyzullah Efendi. As the empire collapsed, Mustapha left for his historic capital of Edirne. Feyzullah Efendi had to fight to restore order, repel the Europeans and also establish some sort of bloody modus vivendi with the old Turkish nobility."
A customer interrupted. "Did I hear you talking of Edirne? Really, it was a seat of learning as well as a capital. It was a uniquely important centre for hundreds of years long after administrative centre had been transferred to Istanbul.
"My name's Hamilton and my ancestor, the 7th Earl of Elgin, was ambassador to the Sublime Porte from 1799 to 1802. You've probably heard of him. Later, he used his contacts to secure the Elgin Marbles for the British Museum, spending £9,000 of his own money.
"What is less well known is that subsequently he returned to Istanbul and negotiated the removal of the Edirne Pavement. This was a broad walkway of decated tiles from the time of ancient Andianopolis."
I expressed my doubts about the veracity of his remarks. "Aw, getouttahere! Anyway, what's that got to do with the Ottoman Papers?" I sneered, to test the firmness of his belief.
"It's true," he affirmed. "I heard it myself from my great uncle Cedric, the 12th Earl. He proved it to me and I can prove it to you. It's got everything to do with the Papers. (We call them "the Papers", to show familiarity.)
"Once the 7th Earl had obtained permission from Asim Mehmet Esat Efendi to remove the Pavement, he returned to the frigate HMS Swallow, on loan from the Alexandria Station, already moored in Dedeogoch harbour. Quickly, he arranged for the ship's boats to row up the River Meric to Edirne. There, part of the crew constructed rafts, working under the ship's carpenter. The remainder, working under the direct supervision of the Earl, located the famed Edirne Pavement!
"It lay four yards wide, joining the ancient university to the grand mosque, a distance of 800 yards. It was made of small, polished rectangular tiles coloured blue, green and brown. Each tile had a simple design, rather like those to be seen in the Alhambra in Granada. However, when these were placed together, the Pavement shimmered, producing a hypnotic display of pulsating colour. The crew were ordered not to inspect it alone in the early morning.
"Work commenced to remove the Pavement. Then, inspection showed that the tiles, already 474 years old, were cracking and could only be removed in pieces. With great care, each tile and each part was labelled. Packing materials were sought. Eventualy, a young ensign broke into a set of cellars and found on storage racks thousands of document scrolls of great antiquity. THESE WERE THE OTTOMAN PAPERS!
"These papers were used as packing for the tiles, which were then placed in panniers. The tiles were transported by mule down to the waiting rafts, which were floated down the river. Great speed was required since there had been a palace revolution in Istanbul. Even now, the Turkish cavalry was moving forward to frustrate the enterprise. The last of the tiles were hurriedly loaded on to the rafts and sailed won to the mouth of the River Meric. There, under the protection of HMS Swallow's guns, the tiles were loaded at leisure and transported to Chatham, and thence to his Lordship's at Englesham, Bedfordshire.
"Well, that's about it, really. That's how the Edirne Pavement came to our estate at Englesham. Well, I must be off home to my loved ones. Goodnight."
He hurried off, leaving me furious in my frustrated longing to know the fate of the Ottoman Papers. If I find out, I'll write again. I'm going back to The Turkoman Arms tomorrow.
